The End of Bullying.

I've thought about writing this story for a very long time. Twenty nine years, in fact. I think it's time. This is the story of my bully.

I've been watching the coverage of Phoebe Prince, the young Irish girl who committed suicide possibly as a result of being bullied by students at South Hadley High School in Massachusetts. Having a young daughter myself, I can only imagine the pain her parents are suffering after losing their daughter so tragically.

The story of my bully had an entirely different ending though. He was the one that died.

For the first ten years of my school life in Blackfalds, Alberta... my nickname was "Chink" thanks to Troy Starchuk. He was my bully.

It started in the first grade where I was a young boy of noticeable ethnic difference. I'm half Japanese. Blackfalds was a small town and people who were different stood out. It was 1971 and there was no such thing as anti-bullying programs or ethnic diversity. I was a target from day one just because of my "differents" and Troy took every chance he could to take swipes at me verbally and physically.

I was a small kid. I was skinny. It felt like Troy wanted to dominate me. It felt like he wanted to tower over me and keep me under his control. The name calling and punches, the pinning to the ground and hits in the hallway were always present. In the fifth grade I resorted to spending my money on candy on my way to school so I could give it to him and hopefully get a break. It worked for a while until I ran out of money.

"Hey Chink!", he would call out at me, always careful to make sure there were no teachers around. He was smart... almost diabolical. He would make sure that every comment, threat and punch would further heighten his power over me. Then he discovered the power of using other kids as a way of making my life even more miserable. And they bought in... because they didn't want to get what I was getting.

In seventh grade, I decided that I had enough. I arranged a fight with a group of my friends against him and his friends. He came straight for me. I was the weakest of the group and pummeled me with punches to my head. It didn't hurt for some reason... and to this day I don't know why. The bullying continued.

In grade nine, I was riding my bike uptown early one evening and I came across Troy and a group of my friends hanging out on the steps of the bank. Troy decided to throw his "Chink" name calling into high gear... and my friends chose to join him. At that moment, I decided that I would no longer associate with any of them. Not one.... single... one... of... them. I was devastated.

High school came and we all moved to a new school. Tenth grade offered a lot more freedom and space to avoid both Troy and the others who had called out "Chink" that night. I had a whole group of new friends and life felt like it was starting to work out the way I had always dreamed but there was always that constant threat of my bully showing up.

And then it happened.

It was a beautiful, sunny Saturday and my mom had sent me up to the store to pick something up. I was at the counter paying and the clerk said to me, "Did you hear about Troy Starchuk?"

"No", I replied.

"He died in a car accident last night", she told me.

Silence.

I got on my bike in shock. Starchuk was dead. A truckload of bricks had fallen on me. I was crushed. I was deeply moved... but was it sadness? I don't know. Was it relief? I don't know that either.

When I got home, I told my mom and brother that Troy Starchuk was killed in a car accident. They were shocked too.

I spent the weekend in a daze.

He was just 15 years old but in that time he had a profound affect on me.

Up to that moment, my life meant nothing but "limitations". Beyond that moment, my life was about "possibilities". I was no longer "Chink". I was Tim Tamashiro.

Bullying is nothing more than being "kindness blind" and face it, the blind need help getting to where they need to be. Phoebe Prince didn't have to die. All she needed was some kindness from the people who decided that she should be a target instead of "one of the girls".

Bullying stops when those around both the victim and the ones doing the bullying insist that kindness prevail. It's not enough to just sit back and watch it happen. If you are a victim, tell someone. If you are a witness to bullying, stand up for what's right. If you're being a bully, smarten up. Don't be that way. Be kind.

Celebrate your "differents" and the "differents" of others. Don't let bullying play a role in ANY part of your life, not as a bully, not as a witness or as a victim. Choose higher.

The end of bullying came for me when my bully died.

The end of bullying came for Phoebe Prince when she died.

The end of bullying for the rest of the world should start now!

Comments

[Karen Fegan]

Hey Tim,
I read this and had a good cry!! You and I were very close growing up and I never knew that you felt that way or at least I don't remember you feeling that way. You hid that extremely well!! Troy bullied me as well. He teased me relentlessly about how I walked. My butt stuck out because of my lower back and my stomach muscles and I learned to hold my butt in and walk "properly" so that he didn't tease me any more about it. I remember him always on Donna about something as well.

I agree with everything you've said about bullying. I'm trying to make a difference with our kids at school. I have some very good friends in the RCMP detachment in Three Hills and they've come up and spoken to the kids. We've hired a School Resource Officer who is an RCMP officer. She has done Bullying Week at the school and it has had a wonderful effect on the kids, although it has a "honeymoon" stage, but if we perservere and do this every year and hold those kids accountable I think it will have a great effect on the kids.

I am so sorry that happened when you were growing up! If there's anything that I can do know to help out in any way please let me know.

I am very proud of you for all of your accomplishments. You have an awesome family. I will never forget your mom for how nice she was to all of us and for the cookies she used to make us!!

Sending love and hugs!
Karen

[Travis]

Wow Tim...that's a sad story. I never knew....so sorry that you had to go through hat. Unfortunately, it was not and is not an uncommon occurrence. Bullying has taken on a new face with the internet, and unfortunately it has allowed adults and children alike to bully with a new and faceless tool. Our community has been exposed to the ffects of internet bullying, and it has a very far reaching affect as well.
I applaud you for telling your story.

[Christine]

Tim...I never knew this...tore my heart out!!! I had Troy when I was being anitiated into grade 7. He had me throwing up, and he was a low life! This bullying is garbage...my son tried to commit suicide twice, then finally dropped out of school because of this. So sending you tons of hugs from your neighbor down the street!

[Della Graham]

Tim, I thank you for sharing your story. I too was bullied by a group of girls in Blackfalds. It started when I was in grade 9 and carried on until I wasn't able to take it anymore in grade 11 and didn't return to school. I look back at what happened and try to find forgiveness for them. The funny thing is that when I found really good friends outside of Blackfalds I realized that there were so many positive and amazing people out there that I felt pity for that group of girls. They were like a pack of wolves that turned on you IF you didn't act like they did.

I do all I can to teach and model love and kindness to my students each and everyday!! In the end, all we can do is teach love and acceptance to each person we encounter in our lives.

With love and respect,
Della

[Bart Grover]

Hey Tim,
Everyone must have a Troy Starchuk story. I didn't have to deal with him until he started high school at LCHS but like you, I took every opportunity to avoid crossing paths with him for that year. I vividly recall the day he was killed, I was out riding my bike before school and saw the accident spot, learning later what had happened at school. It was a bit surreal because I felt bad about someone being killed but a sense of relief that he wouldn't be around school any more. Thanks for telling your story, I never knew what you had to endure and we need to make sure our kids never have to deal with this.
-Bart

[Family]

great story Tim